What a day...

Well, this week I had a job, and then I had to quit. You all might be thinking that I'm quite insane, and stupid to have a job for one day and then decide to quit (I agree that it does sound quite wierd, and not the best way to stay on the good side of that employer), however, I do have a good reason. See, I've discovered something pretty amazing about myself. I have been a giver all of my life, and I constantly give to so many others, but when it comes to me, I could care less, just as long as that person is happy, it makes me happy. You don't even know the pain I feel if I think or worse, know that I've disappointed someone. So, not only did I take the job, but I have been doing so many other things to fill my time, I'm wearing myself thin. So, I took on this job, knowing that I would make this employer quite happy. The biggest problem was, they wanted to take up all of my free time, and even the nights I had to be at school! I talked to them about this, yet again, and they seemed quite frustrated with my school schedule. Well, school is always #1 with me, so I knew I had to quit if they weren't going to work with me. But as soon as that thought crossed my mind, all I could think about was how I was going to disappoint this person, and that made me so sad and feel so guilty. How could I even think about leaving this person, they are depending on me, others are depending on me....how selfish it is for me to even think of leaving so I could have time for my homework! That isn't sarcasm, that is what I was really thinking. So then I decided to pray to God about what I should do. Since I am a strong Christian, I firmly beleive that He talks to you and answers you when you ask. Last night I recieved a mid-term back and got a 68 on it. I was pretty devistated, seeing how I studied pretty hard for it too! I took this as my answer from God...that if I actually stayed, I would continually get worse grades, and since I'm shooting for a 4.0 this semester, I can't accept that. When I got home, I was quite upset with this choice...Again, how could I do this to this person...So, I finally talked it over with my mom, and she agreed that I should quit.
I've noticed my whole life that I live for other people...if they are happy, I'm happy. If they are sad, I'm sad. I know now that I have to stop this habit, and I have to start living for me, no matter how hard it is for me to accept that. So, today is the first day for me to live for myself...and I'm sure I'll find the money for school somehow, I have faith that God will take care of me. So, this was my day...yes, quite immature I'm sure you think so, but as my first day of living for myself, I'll say, I don't really care what you think...this is my life, and I'll start living for me...so thanks for listening, all of you out there. This will be an interesting journey, I'll keep you posted on how it goes.